Man, its been awhile. I even remembered my password! Only took 3 tries!
So, today is Monday the 6th of Decemeber. I get to go back to Indiana in 17 days! I am very excited! I haven't seen my family since April. I miss them so much. Lately I have been finding myself looking back at the old days, my old life, missing my old friends.
I miss the way that things used to be. I used to have the closest friends a girl could ever imagine. I used to be so sure of my life. I used to have a lot more than I ever realized.
Saying all this now...doesn't mean that I am not happy, because I am. I have made new friends and gotten alot of things on my own (which is very satisfying to know that I earn everything i want.) But it is a different kind of feeling. Happy in a different kind of way I suppose.
The good thing about it is...that when I do go back to Indiana I still have all of those friends that I used to. With some people, it is like nothing ever changed...we just haven't seen each other in a while...and I get to see my family. My sisters...they are so big now. Rebecca is 12 and Olivia is 8. I can't believe it. I feel like I have missed so much in their lives over the past 2 years. It breaks my heart, but at the same time...I did this for me...and that is an amazing feeling.
I have never been the one to walk away from everything that is comfortable, just because it is what I wanted to do. I have always wanted to make everyone else so happy--but I finally realized that I need to be happy in order to make other people happy. I need to take care of my self in order to even attempt to take care of other people. I realize how selfish that sounds...and this worst part is, is that I don't care. I am taking care of me for now.
There is something really refreshing about starting over in a new place. It is hard, and scary, and exhausting, and you never know what to expect. But I feel more like me than I ever felt in Indiana. Oregon is an amzing place and I hope that everyone has the chance to find that place for themselves. ( Collapse )