(no subject)

not sure what i am doing...

bad idea...but i knew that from the start.
feelings...starting-but not overwhelming.
sad...not all the time, but sometimes.
Fun-always...til you leave
lonely...sometimes even when you are there
i miss being loved...haviing someone there for me through everything
decisions need to be made.

Hey, LJ!

Man, its been awhile. I even remembered my password! Only took 3 tries!

So, today is Monday the 6th of Decemeber. I get to go back to Indiana in 17 days! I am very excited! I haven't seen my family since April. I miss them so much. Lately I have been finding myself looking back at the old days, my old life, missing my old friends.

I miss the way that things used to be. I used to have the closest friends a girl could ever imagine. I used to be so sure of my life. I used to have a lot more than I ever realized.
Saying all this now...doesn't mean that I am not happy, because I am. I have made new friends and gotten alot of things on my own (which is very satisfying to know that I earn everything i want.) But it is a different kind of feeling. Happy in a different kind of way I suppose.

The good thing about it is...that when I do go back to Indiana I still have all of those friends that I used to. With some people, it is like nothing ever changed...we just haven't seen each other in a while...and I get to see my family. My sisters...they are so big now. Rebecca is 12 and Olivia is 8. I can't believe it. I feel like I have missed so much in their lives over the past 2 years. It breaks my heart, but at the same time...I did this for me...and that is an amazing feeling.

I have never been the one to walk away from everything that is comfortable, just because it is what I wanted to do. I have always wanted to make everyone else so happy--but I finally realized that I need to be happy in order to make other people happy. I need to take care of my self in order to even attempt to take care of other people. I realize how selfish that sounds...and this worst part is, is that I don't care. I am taking care of me for now.

There is something really refreshing about starting over in a new place. It is hard, and scary, and exhausting, and you never know what to expect. But I feel more like me than I ever felt in Indiana. Oregon is an amzing place and I hope that everyone has the chance to find that place for themselves.
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  • Current Music
    Monsoon//Jack Johnson

what a dream...

i have never put all of my feeling on the line, just thrown them out there for someone to step on. but tonight i did. and it turned out fine. i have always been so afraid of letting go and letting someone else in, but now, i am ready.

so in conclusion...sometimes it pays to act like a complete idiot and insist that someone meet you somewhere in the pouring rain. well at least it did for me.

going to bed completly satisfied tonight.

i have never felt like this before.
  • Current Music
    everytime we touch//cascada

(no subject)

if you had known about the holocaust, would you have done something?

well now you have the chance to help others...

if you do nothing else about it, at least watch this, please.


visit www.invisiblechildren.com or www.myspace.com/icindianapolis
thank you for your time.
  • Current Music
    we're so far away//mae